Monday, October 6, 2014

Is there a wrong way to have a baby?

"Birthing" is one of the most controversial topics out there. It's also one of the choices in life no one is really trying to get wrong. However, with the current paradigm, there is not a lot of space to truly choose what works for you...without being judged.

In my experience, there are two worlds within birthing ... medical & natural ... both with equal amounts of judgment. If you're going "all natural" and you decide to use any type of medical intervention ... you are judged. If you're going "medical" and you decide to incorporate any type of "natural" method ... you are judged.

Here's an interesting article I came across today in Time Magazine about what counts as a "natural birth"and although there are a few opinions intertwined, I was happy to see a bigger discussion getting started about this;  Why Having An Epidural Should Count as Having a Natural Birth

There are only a handful of people in this "profession" who truly look at the whole birthing paradigm without judgment. Without polarity. Without a point of view as to what is right and what is wrong. And, I'm asking for that to change...
What would it take to create a world where every choice with pregnancy was just an interesting point of view? 
I was really lucky to find a mid-wife who gave me "choice" every step of the way ... without any judgment attached. She helped me look at every choice I had available and provided guidance when I required it without any point of view.

My target was to have as natural of a birth as possible, and it just didn't go that way. I ended up having to have an emergency c-section in the 36th hour of labor and there were a lot of things that went "wrong". There were a lot of things that were "traumatic". There were a lot of things that I could have "judged" myself and my birth for had I not been surrounded by people who truly had my back.

Here are the two questions that helped me come out of wrongness during my labor:

1) If nothing were right, and nothing were wrong, what choice would I have available?
If you take the polarity out of choice, more space opens up for what is actually possible. During pregnancy and delivery you are bombarded with choices. And, you can either be active in choosing what works for you and your body ... or you can let others choose for you. Choosing for me allowed me to KNOW that anything that occurred was based on where my knowing and awareness led me. If you come out of trying to get it right and avoiding being wrong, then you can access the space of total choice ... the space of infinite possibilities.

2) Would an infinite being choose this? If not, why am I? 
There was a moment when all of my 'hopes and dreams' for my perfect birth were shattered. The team told me that it would be best if the baby went to the NICU and they recommended a 48 hour treatment. This meant he would be in a separate room from me for two days. Thoughts of terrible things went through my head...He would be separated from me from the moment of birth. He would be all alone during the night. He wouldn't have that perfect "start" that I had so hoped for. And then I asked this question: Could an infinite being truly be separate? If not, then how could he? How could I? Will be he okay? Am I okay? And everything lightened up. The truth was, I was with him all the time. (And I had lots of people "with him" as I recovered...daddy's & grand-parents are great for that!)

To me, my birth was as natural as I could get. It was me...choosing...every step of the way. Today, my son is a super confident toddler who is one of the happiest beings on the planet. I never stuck him with the point of view that he or I "got it wrong" during his grand entrance to the world.

If we take away the judgement...we have more space to BE. And, isn't that what we're all seeking?

I hope this got you thinking about what is true for you. I hope it poked at some of those 'sacred cows' of the birthing paradigm. I'll leave you with this....
What's more natural than total choice?

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At October 6, 2014 at 3:38 PM , Blogger Michelle Edhouse said...

should "look like", "feel like" etc. I know a number of people who 10 years down the track still judge themselves for having medical intervention in what they had planned as a "natural home birth".
I even had a woman ask me if I would hate her if she had to have a c-section! My point of view has always been to ask people "What works for you and your baby and your body?"
What energy space and consciousness can I be to contribute to more awareness, choice and possibility around birthing?


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